I will not give up on my dream of becoming a fitness model! 

Dreams can come true… 

Do you, or did you, ever have a dream? A dream is defined as: A vision. Dreams can be literally (what we see when we fall asleep) but they can also be symbolic. My dream of wanting to become a fitness model is both literal and symbolic. Literally because I want to become what I’ve been dreaming about for the past year and half. Has the road been that easy? I can say with all honesty it has not been easy at all. This past year I’ve been going through some financial hardships although I am still making it working part time. At the beginning of the year, I was doing some working out, (dancing, Pilates, walking) and eating lighter BEFORE I started my new job. This included cutting out carbs, juicing, eating veggies, some fruit, and cheeses along with lean meats. As soon as I started working I got off track with my working out and good eating habits. Once again, I have to take an honest look at myself: am I going to blame my new job for taking away my work out time? My bad eating habits? As of right now, as I write, I am single and childless. When and if I do have a family, am I going to blame them for me not losing weight? For me being unhealthy and overweight? What else is going to come into my life, rather good or bad, am I going to blame? What do I take responsibility and finally look at myself. Do you, the reader, often find times when you make excuses about why you can’t work out? Are they excuses or are they truly distractions?

One of the biggest distractions in my life has been work, school, sugar, the internet, and so called friends and family. But the biggest thing that I’ve realized is that I can’t let these so called distractions cause me from reaching my destiny and goals. One of the biggest things that I’ve realized is that when it comes to reaching a goal, you have to make time for it. If that means waking up when everyone else is asleep, then so be it. When you want to stand out and be different from the others, you have to take the time to be different. In the spring of 2014, while at my hotel job, I ran across fitness modeling competition videos. I can’t put it words how happy I was I saw this videos. It felt like I had been ‘re birthed.’ I felt my self esteem rise up, and I also felt a spark in confidence that I had never felt until watching those videos. I interacted with some fitness models who were in town for a fitness modeling convention/show here in Milwaukee at the previous hotel where I was once employed. They were all blunt and honest with me, in saying that you can’t do this for living, but it is a growing popularity with fitness modeling and fitness awareness in general, so this might change in the near future. It is about health and feeling good and looking your best, but one of the biggest things that I’ve come to realize is that you have to capitalize off of any market that you want to get in. At the smallest and on the biggest levels. You can have a talent and be talented all day but if you aren’t making money off of it, then in some ways it come be considered to be a waste of time. I’m not saying don’t be healthy because being healthy is important. But you also want to be compensated too, for being healthy and losing weight, and giving healthy advice to people. One of the guys (male fitness model) that I talked to said: there’s nothing like strutting on that stage. Nothing. Everything else in life doesn’t matter. But he was honest in saying that you do have to follow a strict diet routine when getting ready for a competition. He ate nothing but  fish and veggies, not even poultry or dairy! (And def not bread, potatoes chips, fries, and soda)

So I know that I have a tough road ahead of. I have to make working out and eating right a religion, not just a simple lifestyle. In the meantime, I have to continue to re educate myself on fitness, working out, by reading and watching online videos to humble myself, and to bring myself in a place of humility and humbleness when it comes to the whole weight loss issue. All of my life I have fought with low self esteem, being told that I’m just not athletic enough, not worthy enough, not strong enough, not focused enough, etc. And once again, I have to examine how I spend my time. I make time for Facebook. I make time to text message people. I make time to watch silly videos. But what I need to make time for is fitness and reaching my fitness and health goals overall.

I love food...and not afraid to admit it!

I was in denial, ashamed, and in the closet for years.

Yes, I love food! And I want to try food that I've never tried before, but I can't get to exotic with it, but exotic doesn't sound too bad.

I tried Puerto rican food for the first time in 2008, and I want to try it again. Right now I have a taste for pizza. I've loved pizza every since I was a kid.

Wish I had more to say, but for now, I just want to say that I love food, and not afraid to admit it.

Free soda refills in fast food restaurants and gas stations: so what's the controversy!? Part 1.

What is so harmless about refilling on a soda? That's a question I used to always ask myself. There's nothing better and cheaper then paying for a cup of soda once, then being able to go back for seconds or even thirds in some cases. I can say with all honesty that I've never went back for fourths lol. But what is the harm in going back for more soda, or even going for soda at all? Why is soda so harmful?

There was an article that I read online on time.com (the magazine) website, that said the following:

There really isn’t anything good to say about drinking soda. A 42-ounce super-size drink with 477 calories and 123 grams of sugar, or about 30 teaspoons, is a short cut to heart disease, obesity and diabetes. One in three Americans today is obese, compared to one in five in 1990. There’s no single cause for this increase, but one of them is almost certainly our penchant for quenching our thirst with SSBs (sugar-sweetened beverages.)

Basically what this article was saying is that there is nothing positive about soda at all. This is something that has been hard for me to except. The reality of soda, and the long term effects that it can have on your body, etc. Whenever I look at old pictures of my relatives, my mother, it becomes clear to me that there was clearly no weight issues, especially between the 1960's and the 1990's. The #1 thing my friends and family tell me that they didn't drink soda (they only had soda on very special occasions, I'm talking Christmas, birthdays, celebrations basically). And the soda that they did drink, wasn't loaded down with high corn fructose syrup like it is now.

This is part 1 of the soda controversy that has been present in America since the 1980's. I will talk about this on a part 2 section on this blog.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BQehVsQtDYw

Dancing is a stress reliever!

Dancing is fun, although I've been told by family and some friends that I have no rhythm. I beg to differ. And does a person need to have rhythm in order to have fun and dance? No way. Dancing is about moving your body, pumping blood, getting your heart rate up, and releasing tension from a hard day of work, or even if you are laying around the house and have nothing else to do.

For example, with me, one of my favorite things to do is to put on something comfortable, turn on my MP3 player, and listen to various pop, r&b, latin, country, hip hop, and rock artist, and jump and move my butt around the apartment that I  live in. I'm not too picky when it comes to music; I'll listen to anything that makes me feel good, and makes me want to move, from any decade, any era, etc. You don't have to do this in front of people. And also, making every dance move count, and dancing with a purpose. You burn calories, carbs, and build up your energies levels. Some people may say that you look stupid, but that's their problem, not yours. If they don't like the way you dance, say I beg to differ, you love the way I dance.


Gonna dance the night away...

A poem by me!

This is a poem that I found in my email...very romantic and mysterious. I wrote it back in 2012, and I still can't believe I wrote something this beautiful. I have grown as a writer, and I hope to have my works published someday. The only problem is that it seems that paper and ink is out of style these days. Oh well....here it goes:


This feeling of wondering what if?
Leaving those longings behind...
Wondering what if, what could have been.
You left something in me, that has never left.
Even though you did.
You disappeared as quickly as you came.
Where did you go? Where are you now?
Do you still want me in that way?
This behavior I'll admit, I seeked it out.
I seek out this feeling in utter darkness.
Now I was foolish...misguided and confused to many others.
But in these feelings, these lust, this needfulness, privately:
I feel no shame.
Now fear has consumed me...
And the world sees me, and knows my secrets.
I'm standing here, naked with words written across my chest,
my face, my shoulders...
Every inch of me.
Words that were meant for now one else to see.
The information I took in.
And the food I digest.
They can see it in me, besides me, written all over me.
Fear of them seeing naked bodies.


I don't know where I was when I wrote this, mentally, physically or spiritually, but I know that these words come from a void that I felt at the time. Maybe I was being overworked, underpaid, unappreciated, etc. I don't know...but I found it to beautiful, and I figured I should put it on my blog for everyone to see and read. Talk to you guys soon.

What my blog will be about:

I will talk about weight loss, even weight gain issues, health, beauty, misconception of looks, prejudice, make up, etc. I hope that people, friends and family, comes to my blog to get a better understand of me, how I feel about image issues, etc. I plan on dealing with my issues head on. The fast food/junk food industry is a billion dollar industry in this country; I want to do research and find out why this is so. I also want to interact with people and find out how they feel about this subject.

This is the beginning of my blog....I've been planning on starting a website for a long, long time. Well, here it goes:

Where do I begin with this blog...I am a 32 year old African American woman living in the Midwest, a native of Milwaukee, WI. When I was a kid, I wasn't athletic, but my brothers loved sports, but I didn't mind watching, although I was NOT competitive. I didn't have a weight problem but I wasn't skinny in my teens, although I was skinny as a kid. When I got into middle school that when I noticed that I was first gaining weight. But I didn't join in any sports when I was a preteen, or teenager, for one, because it wasn't encouraged by my religious parents, two, because I was a girl, and three, because of the location of my school, and my dedication to religion over athletics. My biggest regret! Being competitive is fun.

Throughout my 20's, I was usually between 140-160lbs. I did slim fast in my earlier 20's, back when it was popular, and actually lost 25lbs! The one difference I notice with being in my 20's then being in my 30's, is that it was easier to lose weight and I had much more energy! Now that I am in my early 30's my energy levels are very low. I'm not as focused as I used to be on working out. I blame it on my internet addiction, my love for food. I also tried south beach in my 20's also, read the book, but it didn't work as well as I wanted it too.

Now that I am in my 30's and I weigh 50 more pounds then I did 10 years ago, I often wonder how I got into this situation. I am currently almost 200lbs; I'm 5'3'', and being this weight, is too small to carry 200lbs on my small frame. One thing that I do notice, is while I have gained weight, most of my friends have gained weight also. The majority of my friends have had at least one child except a few and myself. I wonder how my body would react to pregnancy if I was to get pregnant. It something I wonder about everyday.

As I type this blog, obesity continues to be the #1 health issue in the United States. Its not only at epidemic levels: its at a pandemic level! More children are fighting obesity more then ever. According to the mayo clinics website, obesity is a complex disorder involving an excessive amount of body fat. Obesity isn't just a cosmetic concern. It increases your risk of diseases and health problems, such as heart disease, diabetes and high blood pressure.

I am currently working in retail part time, and I did hotel work on and off for ten years. I can honestly say that doing hotel work was probably one of the most worst experiences of my life. I did retail, as well as grocery, warehouse, cashiering, etc, mostly customer service jobs. I put my jobs before my health, and now I am paying a hefty price because I have gained weight instead of either maintaining or losing.

I want to confront my weight and food issues, as well as my health issues, head on. I have read countless articles online about how black women are fat, lazy, subhuman, inadequate, etc. I want to comfront the racial and cultural issues of weight and how weight is interupted in different ethnic groups. Some people might disagree but this is what ive observed

I've also excepted the fact that I have to face my own prejudice and misconceptions of people in general, no matter if they are overweight or not.

I'm writing this blog, as therapy and redemption for myself. I need to face my issues within myself head on, and not to run away from these issues anymore. My whole thing is combatting these issues and getting real about my health and my future.

This blog is only the beginning. Peace :)

Prella.